Taking the First Step to Transforming Health

The Path to Mindful Wellness

Today, all of the research, false starts, emotion, and self-criticism have ended.  For near fifteen years, I have struggled with my weight.  I fell into a depression that I denied because of money - rather lack of - and just a general emotional separation from my life.  I ate for comfort.  While I ate I would develop elaborate fitness plans, daily meal plans, short and long-term goals.  Eating wrong and planning well I was a ball of emotional confusion.  I simply continued to eat with an "I'm working on" attitude that was a lie.  Fifteen years of feeling my health physical and mental slowly deteriorate.

Last night I had a breakthrough.  I woke around 3 AM, filled with a complete understanding of what I needed.  In a lucid moment, I told myself, I'm tired.  I'm tired of being unhealthy, I'm tired of being morbidly obese, I'm tired of the aches and pains, I'm tired of quitting.  About 10 years ago, my cousin a brilliant psychologist who I recently lost to cancer, ask me:  If you knew you were going to be this weight for the rest of your life, could you be happy?  My honest answer to him was: I don't know.  He said that until I can answer that question, I will never lose weight.   So here I am nearly 10 years later and I finally found my answer.  I thought that I could, but when I woke last night I was also awakened.  I realized emphatically "NO", I am not happy and I will never be happy if I continue to live like this.

I have registered 3 times for the Paris Marathon but I could not walk a block.  I hired a trainer the last time but it was not enough.  April 14, 2019, is the next Paris Marathon.  I am registered.  I will finish.

It is as if last night my path opened up.  I was able to set my intention with a conviction and a clarity I have never had before.  By bits and pieces, I started this journey.  Joined the gym and after 5 years of monthly payments, finally went to the gym.  Register for the Marathon, follow Oprah & Deepak Chopra 21 Meditations, develop meal plans.  None of this generated change by itself, but by continuing to try, refusing to accept failure, forgiving myself for giving up and try, try, again, it finally has come together.

I want and deserve to be happy and the only person who was standing in the way of that is ME! I am on a new journey.  I always felt that sense of "finally" when I started and a few days later I would be negotiating the "restart" date.  But this time it feels different, definite.

My Path has opened up for me and I am joyously and mindfully headed along the path to wellness.